A History of Homovores

Homovores [same + eaters] have existed since the beginning of time, as all rational and scientific peoples know.  And contrary to what homophobes [same + fearers] will tell you, homovores have frequently been very cool, and certainly well-dressed.

A famous British homovore saying something in Spanish 

Unfortunately, many homophobic haters have hated on homovores throughout history, charging them with the “crime” of cannibalism [a hateful hate word].  A good example of a homovore was Oscar Whacky, a somewhat pretty (if overweight) author whose work was admired for its fresh… meatiness.  Despite his popularity, he was dragged to court for “the hunger that dares not speak its name,” and sentenced to jail for a spell.  Shocking, isn’t it?  

A modern homovore commemorates his hero. 

And although he had a change of heart before death, Oscar Whacky has since been properly recognized as a martyr.  Homovority, we now realize, is totally victimless, so long as the fellow you eat doesn’t mind it.  (This is especially true if you only eat dead people.  What on earth is the harm in that??)

A victimless crime 

Admittedly, homovority seems to increase the likelihood of catching strange and deadly diseases from the meat, such as CAIDS [Carnivore Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome], a problem that we continue to seek a cure for.  But obviously, the cause is not homovority per se, but unprotected eating.  Protected eating involves immediately regurgitating the food you eat, and significantly reduces all risk of infection without subtracting from the pleasure derived from the meat.  Stop being a bigot.

Ancient Romans practiced protected eating. 

Meanwhile, the hateful homophobes continue to insist that homovority is not a good thing.  They have supported, in their insipid arrogance, trying to switch to heterovority [other + eating], or if this is impossible, abstinence.  The bigotry!  Abstinence, or vegetarianism, is unnatural in every way and will only lead to frustrated instincts.

Frustrated vegetarians
 

It is clearly long past time to throw off such antiquated religious ideas, so they can no longer hold back the happiness and progress of mankind.  As we all know, scientific studies have conclusively proven that homovority is completely normal, natural and healthy.  Homovores exist in all carnivorous/omnivorous species, including those closely related to us. 



Hey, whatever floats your boat! 

Of course, eating the young is also an occurrence in many species, especially cats.  Eating children, however, is still very much looked down upon by Western society, since the kid is considered not old enough to realize what he’s consenting to.  However, this is largely a matter of culture, and so may change in the near future.  Who knows?  Maybe we should ask this guy:


Hugo the Headhunter can help.